“Struggle for a lively life”

Let’s changes your life with passion, you should know about the ” Life out of the box”

In 2010 I lived a normal and lavish ife, i was also leading my goal as a professional. At that time I had never heard of depression or anxiety but i still tried to overcome all sorts of fears that i had. Usually in the morning  I felt as strong and determined as Alexander the Great but in the evening i used to transform into a loser. I didnt realize these changes at that time. Also, i was a very concentrative person back then. I mean if I decided to do something, I would try to achieve it at any cost, and there was no flexibility in my work. My goal was everything for me at that time and this lead to all my relationships getting affected and disturbed; friends turning their faces away from me but I just wanted to be Mr Perfectionist in all aspects of life. I started compromising my health and family relationships and I always had a million excuses to say No to them.

In my childhood, I had an unknown fear because I had some family issues and always felt ignored. I placed that fear in my unconsciousness, because there was no one to push me towards courage and hope, the prevalence of these circumstances made me lose my self-confidence. I had big dreams but with low exposure. At that time my father tried to help me with different types of activities like sports, international trips, but I could not change myself because I accepted myself as a failure or you may say I was under the influence of a placebo effect. During this period I became friends with some spoiled boys who had nothing to lose because there was only one boy who was good but he wasnt ready to accept me as his friend due to my behavior and company. I started enjoying foolish and useless activities with my friends; bunking from school, not completing assignments and quarrel with others etc. Now i realise that I had a fear of not being successful or nit being able to conquere myself because I was struggling towards a good attitude and at the end of the day I was hopeless due to all these reason. Especially if I attempted to achieve a goal with passion, i always ended up making a mistake because I had a passion without self-confidence. I always had one thing in my mind and that was fear, due to these reasons my academic results were not good enough nor could i justify them but still I always had a hope for good.
The question is, what were the reasons behind allthose circumstances? The answer is “I demanded all those things that were not meant for me at that time like Car, Money, fame, glamorous life with a social influence etc. I read the biographies of millionaires or overnight billionaires and always tried to find shortcuts. That was my first mistake which I have realized now and the second one was not showing obedience to my elders; my parents, teachers etc and i thought of my self as a superior , I thought that time what they know about current generation they are older than me, but I forgot that they are professional and doing their jobs and sharp more than me. time cames and no one talks to me positively because of my attitude.fear was my first problem which led to all other problems.

At that time my attention would be toward book, school, debates, and character building and tried to fetch good result from my work. which led towards luxurious life which is starts from our hobbies and habits not from biographies of successors because these types of stories are results not keys to success.everyone is not like AliBaba.com or Sylvester Stallon.
Any building/tower never built overnight its take time to build and not only with bricks rather other material are also help it to complete.for achieving goal success stories are not enough and work in realtime.its just like building/tower’s  sketch but our efforts make a material which helps to create it in real life.
“when the farmer starts farming, before seeding he plough and give water in land and run the tractor over it to efficient land for farming, after this he throw seeds in it and make it more fertile.safe his land from insects, animals and other things which is harmful to farming. after this he gets fruit from his land not miraculous food rather effortful fruit.”
 I think this is natural not the miracle. another important thing, if farmer spread the seeds for sunflower he should be fetched same farms.this is not and never possible he spread the seeds for sunflower and fetch roses from it.
Same in our lives if we need a brighter future we should go for hard-working and go step by step like the farmer and after this, we’ll get the good results. I mean first we should build our base fertile with knowledge and wisdom, keep safe from fear, spoil people/lobbies  bad habits etc, we’ll get bright future, if seed is pure and if we avoid hard-working and other building material and want brighter result maybe we live in paradise of foolish or waste our life for miraculous moment which is never happened in today’s life.

I got married in 2004 and took responsibility for my wife and house, after a year my son was born and I tied up in commitments but fear starts to counter me at every step which goes toward success. childhood fear also grew with me and more powerful than me. every moment I thought about my safe future and tried to safe it at any cost.around me people talk about money, saving, loans to build home etc and I had a tension to survived only, due to lack of self-confidence and fear.i was well-educated at that time and practicing Islam since from 1998 properly. Alhamdulillah, but over practicing made me myself fearful because I heard from people, a man who practices their religion must have face evil forces and etc.i found fear as a major problem in my life.

passively fear made me anxious about my life and my anxiety level raised up. I started to panic and avoid my family and spend all my time with my friends, year 2010 came with the big problem for me. This is not one day story “its began from my childhood and matured with me.”

I went to Karachi with my brother for the holiday. I missed my family too much but at another hand, I really enjoyed my trip and spent time with my cousins. I got suddenly anxious and feel headaches and body cramps. At this time I listened emotional songs and started cry. my sentiments were higher than high.there was two days left to depart from karachi.I felt the foggy mind and starts over thinking with the fear.I discussed these problems with my relatives, they said you may suffer from the evil eye, give some charity for blessings, they couldn’t refer me to any medical centre.I already done charity but I couldn’t feel any positive change. At last night I saw a nightmare which was a big upset for me  because nightmare made impact on my heart. again I made the discussion about that issue but still they were superstitious and I took these kind foolishness seriously because of my anxiety level and fear.
“People around you, make you or break you, if they are strong, broad-minded and literate then they will help you positively and try to rescue you from any hard situation, but if people are illiterate  and narrow then may be you’ll face big problems uncertainly. your success are not only depends on  your struggle, it is also depends on your surroundings and positive environment.”
I came back to Lahore at my home, at first night again I saw a nightmare but now its serious to me when i woke up in morning i fell in depression and start panic.initially my parent took this problem easy and talked about evils and devils  and starts home remedies, at that day i felt the real face of fear,i realized that my fear was like me as young and powerful but at that time felt myself powerless because i fed my fear at daily basis today it was only not condition, my fear took unseen body with power which i never thought.
I had friend which was most reliable for me at that time because he was only who had know about my situation from last 5 years,but at that moment he suggested a superstitious and most unrealistic treatments which I couldn’t make that time.people around me hadn’t any exposure and knowledge about my problem even they didn’t know about their problem because they were impractical in their lives.he was demoralized me continuously even he imposed their thoughts over me.we had a good friendship that’s why, certainly i took something serious from his conversation and got more anxious and feared.when my wife saw me, she started cry because she felt herself helpless for me but she was pray for me.
my medical situation became worst and I couldn’t explain because my fear overcome my wist,I hadn’t words, and knowledge to explained my condition at front of anyone that time, just feared from it.finally my parents took pity on me and got consulted with doctors and they prescribed me medicines.I felt heavy head, body cramps, sank heart, bloated stomach and stressed body with foggy brain, i have these words now but not that time.with passage of time my memory started to weak and i got gaps between me and my life,and started to avoid car driving, bike riding, tourism, friends left me and many other situation which i had faced.after happend these types of problem i shrugged at bed only.suddenly i started vomiting with blood heavly.in my lawn i was sat on chair and vomited and only people saw me not for help but for my next phase.
Now I was confirmed about my sudden death.after I went to medical lab for different medical test alone.dengue was diagnosed and my parents took me to hospital, doctors admitted me and again took my blood samples but fortunately dengue was negative and they would discharged me from hospital.acually i was Lab rat for doctors, now i was more than 100% confident about my sudden death because i was un-diagnosable person.my parents surely confirmed that i had a depression and after i went to psychologist for diagnoses may be i was some kind of psychopath for people.he was prescribed me heavy antidepressants, which became part of my life but my medical condition got more worst.i was survived more than 3+ years in unknown fear with unknown disease, i havent words today but only take lesson from it.
Finally I was frustrated from my (24/7) condition and i did accepted it.now i was ready to face my death with smile because i wanted relief from pain,anxiety and this phase but in whole situation i never tried to attempt suicide.This was my first fearless day in practical life( 0% fear).
I smiled with pain and started love with others, saw my surroundings with eye of my heart and tried to alive in it.I started love ans spend quality time with my family because i thought about my sudden death,i saw myself in my childrens.i was try to helped others and feel their problems because i wanted to  lived in their heart after my death.i had time to absorbed myself in this beautiful world because of accepted certain death.i stopped cry and starts smiled in pain.
observed whole world with each and everything as my last view. or the last moment of my life at that time I felt love in everything even in birds and in its tweet,trees,roses and etc.
One day I heard about food allergic and tried at home, may be i had one of them.i started to left special food like grain,egg and wore mask as precaution but no results,one day i read about dairy allergy.i liked to use dairy products too very much,i stopped to use it after 3 days i had a hope and got better,after i started anti-allergy tablets in few days i recovered 40%.this was self diagnoses.i went to a doctor immediately and told him he asked “Oho why don’t you tell me that you are suffering from “lactose intolerance “and maybe “casein allergic”. i was so amazed that time,that he is a doctor and what he is saying.
I recovered my disease 90% in few days but 10% is its effects with me till now.Actually i am suffered from “lactose intolerance and allergic from casein” from day first of my unknown disease.Allah helped me.
Today I  froze in last “moment view” but not for my death rather for exploring world and for love with creation of Allah(The creator).

Time to Learn
I learned from my situation and want to write down some points here:
(1)We should treat our children politely and with wisdom and never try to feared them because fear is life-time punishment which we are never realized yet.
(2)Things before needs made us goose egg or impractical for future plans
(3)appreciation for work is more important than achievement because appreciation is way toward achievements.
(4)First treat your patient with love and hope, after with medication.
(5)Fear is in human nature,just face and free it don’t try to kill,if you want to live.nature is unchangeable
(6)if you want to see your skills and see yourself as a successor just become fearless ,i mean face it.
(7)People around you “make or break you”.if you want to be a legend then attached yourself with them.
(8)Go for practical ways, do not wait for any miraculous happenings
(9)Biggest enemy you ever has is Fear
(10)Placebo is a disease without symptoms,just free your mind(fearless)
(11)We should trust our friends but not more than ourself because we know ourself more than him.
(12)live your every moment as a last moment of your life, live it lively
(13)sometime time’s teach you after this you teach other with wisdom and timely.
(14)Hope is life or you may said life is hope.be hopeful
(15)knowledge over comes the fear.
(16) you must have a shepherd who leads you as your teacher or good friend etc toward your destination with his wisdom.
(17) don’t wait for any miraculous change, lets change yourself with effort for see any miracle.
I have more than 100 point from that time span but I want to forget this like nightmare and want to remember like a life time lesson.

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